The Confessions of a Soccer-holic

I feel like a part of me is dying. No, no, I'm okay, don't call the cops. I'm being slightly dramatic but it's a scary time when everything familiar is about to end. I have been a soccer player for 17 years. When people ask what I do or what my job is, I always reply, simply, "soccer."

I'm the shrimp in the middle.

Recently this had led to a fury of questions painfully sprinting through my mind.

What are you supposed to do when that stops being the correct answer?
What are you supposed to do when you don't have an hour lift at 6 am and then two and half hours of therapy followed by an hour and a half class followed immediately by a three hour practice and then more training room time?

I'll actually have time and won't be too tired to do homework?! Woah. Gross.

What am I supposed to think about?

Dream about?
Worry about?
Talk about?

Does this mean I have to wear (gasp) JEANS?

What am I supposed to do?
I pose this question very seriously but know, at the same time, it's completely rhetorical. Nobody can answer this for me, and my fellow seniors are going through this internal debate as well. We've tried talking about "the end" a few times and have to stop whenever one of us starts getting teary-eyed.

Soccer has always been the future. Not only is it something I have always looked forward to each day, but it was always the next step in life. In elementary school, I went from rec to travel soccer, then in junior high it was about switching to the next best travel club, in high school it was all about going to the college showcases and being recruited, now in college some people think about playing professionally. That used to be a dream of mine until my bones decided they're vehemently against any more years of abuse.

Where does that leave me? Or, where does that lead me?
I did this to myself so I can't play the victim here. I fell in love with a game I knew would have to end one day. So dumb.

I went to a family wedding recently and cannot tell you how many times I got the typical, "So what are you going to do with your life when you're done with soccer?" "What about when you graduate?"

Shoot. Graduation. That's happening too. Okay, focus Lex, you got this.

When they asked, I'd smile, shrug, and say I'd think of something. Months later, the end of soccer approaching and still, I GOT NOTHIN'.

Well, I have to go now because I'm getting sad and my roommates said it's frowned upon to cry alone.

Cheers to another month of soccer and eventually the start of something new!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu2oPPL8TWs