The Confessions of a Soccer-holic

I feel like a part of me is dying. No, no, I'm okay, don't call the cops. I'm being slightly dramatic but it's a scary time when everything familiar is about to end. I have been a soccer player for 17 years. When people ask what I do or what my job is, I always reply, simply, "soccer."

I'm the shrimp in the middle.

Recently this had led to a fury of questions painfully sprinting through my mind.

What are you supposed to do when that stops being the correct answer?
What are you supposed to do when you don't have an hour lift at 6 am and then two and half hours of therapy followed by an hour and a half class followed immediately by a three hour practice and then more training room time?

I'll actually have time and won't be too tired to do homework?! Woah. Gross.

What am I supposed to think about?

Dream about?
Worry about?
Talk about?

Does this mean I have to wear (gasp) JEANS?

What am I supposed to do?
I pose this question very seriously but know, at the same time, it's completely rhetorical. Nobody can answer this for me, and my fellow seniors are going through this internal debate as well. We've tried talking about "the end" a few times and have to stop whenever one of us starts getting teary-eyed.

Soccer has always been the future. Not only is it something I have always looked forward to each day, but it was always the next step in life. In elementary school, I went from rec to travel soccer, then in junior high it was about switching to the next best travel club, in high school it was all about going to the college showcases and being recruited, now in college some people think about playing professionally. That used to be a dream of mine until my bones decided they're vehemently against any more years of abuse.

Where does that leave me? Or, where does that lead me?
I did this to myself so I can't play the victim here. I fell in love with a game I knew would have to end one day. So dumb.

I went to a family wedding recently and cannot tell you how many times I got the typical, "So what are you going to do with your life when you're done with soccer?" "What about when you graduate?"

Shoot. Graduation. That's happening too. Okay, focus Lex, you got this.

When they asked, I'd smile, shrug, and say I'd think of something. Months later, the end of soccer approaching and still, I GOT NOTHIN'.

Well, I have to go now because I'm getting sad and my roommates said it's frowned upon to cry alone.

Cheers to another month of soccer and eventually the start of something new!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cu2oPPL8TWs

Where the Nose Goes

Let me jump right into it just like I did when I broke my nose last year during a soccer game. Typical. I jumped and hit my head on my own teammate so that was good. Division One soccer for ya. Anyway, I played the remainder of the season with a hideous Jason-look-alike mask. I couldn’t really see the ball so that went well for me.

I couldn’t breathe that well and I think the part that bothered me the most about my nose was the range of reactions I got from other people. Some would be like, “OH WOW, OH GOODNESS IT’S SO CROOKED!” And others would say something along the lines of, “Oh, it looks pretty similar to how it looked before.” ONE OF YOU IS LYING.

I had to wait until this season was over to get surgery on it and I think it went pretty well. Can’t be too sure cuz, ya know, I was asleep. However, I know for a fact I received a bucket load of anesthesia because I would not wake up. It was quite the struggle.

I told the recovery nurse Dennis, GREAT GUY, that I thought I was going to die if I had to get up to pee. He gave me a bedpan and I lived out my lifelong dream of using one. It was as miserable as I had imagined. I felt like an old lady and was so nervous with people coming in and out of my room that I decided I actually wanted to go to the bathroom as well. Mistake. I sprint/skidded across the room with Dennis trudging along behind me preparing to catch my flailing body. Alas, I made it there and back and, to Dennis' dismay, upon returning I decided I needed to lie down for about five more hours.

To give you insight to how long I was there, the nurses had a shift change. I can’t remember my first nurse’s name but Dennis was a very nice man. He gave me pain meds every time I asked! So competent! I appreciate that in a nurse. But maybe he was just trying to knock me out for the sake of his sanity. Who knows. Finally it came time for them to give me the boot because they needed the bed. I groggily changed and when I stood up I started getting nauseous so I sat down for probably another half hour. Sorry other patients, thank you for your patience. To show his displeasure with my laying back down, Dennis got my wheelchair and shoved it in my room to help me understand that this really was the end. As he was wheeling me out he discussed with me that I would be able to shower the next day. I told him not to worry about it I probably wouldn’t shower for a week. I think he giggled. Maybe he gagged. One can’t be too sure.

Recovery after that point that is pretty much a blur. Percocet does that to me. I had some visitors, I tried to eat but couldn’t, and I’m positive I had some really great conversations. I took a lot of photos to document my beauty. Don’t worry, I’ll attach a few of the good ones (all of them).

By the next week I already had my post-op appointment. The only one I thought I had. WRONG. My surgeon said, “See you next week to take out your splints.” I replied, “What happens if I’m in California next week?” He laughed and repeated, “See you next week.” I told him I wasn’t kidding and he kind of erupted a little bit.

He kind of reminded me of a condescending parent. “You didn’t plan this out very well!” ‘What were you thinking?!” “Were you thinking?” He glumly stated that he would try to phone his plastic surgeon friend in California to do it for me but he might not be able to. He then emphasized that I would probably not be able to find anyone to take them out while I’m in California and told me that I might get an infection (and die).  I’m just assuming he meant the last part as well.

But the guy really thinks I won’t be able to find anyone in LA to take out my nose splints? Half the people there have had the surgery themselves, I can see them walking up to me on the street being like, “Yeah, let me get those for ya!” and just ripping them out. Sounds…. Sanitary but hey a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

This is my baby nose’s first time flying and seeing my favorite state. I’m so excited I might just document some of the trip with hot nose selfies. You’re welcome.                                                           

first time flying

first time at the pool

              

                        first trip to the moon!

nose goes to LA

nose plays chess

nose goes to the beach

Butt... This is Important.

My favorite Parks and Recreation character, Ron Swanson, once said, “Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.” I know, I know, listening to a fictional character known for his wisecracks probably won’t get me very far but I find this quote to be so stupidly simple that it’s one of the smartest things I’ve heard and is way too often overlooked.

Many people probably don’t even mean to half ass a lot of things. Maybe you just haven’t found what your passion is yet so you don’t want to fling yourself into something whole-heartedly only to decide later it’s not for you. How embarrassing that would be, if, heaven forbid, you failed at something you were giving your all to. Who honestly cares! It’s the fear that leads us to not try or to claim we aren’t giving it our all. We all know those people who when you beat them at something claim, “Oh well I wasn’t even trying so…” NOPE. YOU SHOULD’VE TRIED. BECAUSE I WON. And I didn’t just win because you “weren’t trying.” LIAR. So I still have some unresolved feelings about this basketball game I played in 3^rd grade... I’m working through it. ONWARD…

Find something you like doing and do it all the time. Unless it’s drugs. Or other illegal things that I shouldn’t encourage. But really, how can you expect to get good at something if you only do it from time to time. If you want to last, you have to whole ass it your whole life. Refuse to be a one hit wonder. What’s the point of doing anything halfway? Here’s half your wedding cake, enjoy! Here’s half a chair, it might be a little unstable but I got bored making it. Here’s the top half of your boat, good luck in the water, man! Why even show up if you aren’t going to try. Waste of time. Don’t do things halfway because really, nobody likes getting a flat tire in Kansas when they were on their way to California. You would never stop there and be like okay well I guess Kansas is good enough maybe I’ll just vacation here instead. That doesn’t happen, or if you are a person who would be okay with that I truly believe you should seek some kind of help because what. Kansas versus California. Ponder that, humans.

Finish your thought, complete your masterpiece, set out to be a legend, leave behind a legacy. Your whole ass exists, now just moon everybody and show them what you’ve got. Please not literally or you will most likely be cited for public indecency and may have to register as a sex offender. Carry on.

Disclaimer: I do not own this photo and am not YET affiliated with the show Parks and Recreation but in my very unprofessional professional opinion you should probably watch it.

Zoo Learn or Zoo Not Zoo Learn

People always say your job teaches you things... worthwhile things that you'll need in the real world. Things like timeliness, honesty, how to deal with coworkers, good work ethic, etc. I don't think these people considered those who work at a zoo. We learn those things AND a whole bunch of other useless stuff as well. Let's concentrate on the useless stuff just for good measure because really, no one came to my blog for a lecture, but if you did, I'm glad you're here but I'm not a parent or a professor so you can just go to your room...?

USELESS STUFF IS MY PRIDE AND JOY. Useless stuff is the fun stuff. The stuff you don't need to know but is usually somehow the saving grace in times of weird struggles. For example, had I not learned how to use a trash compactor, how could I ever be expected to properly work a garbage disposal in my own sink. Pushing a button, flicking a switch, it's basically the same concept, INCREDIBLE. You all can pick your jaws up from the floor but prepare for them to be dropped again... Had I not learned how to squeegee the monkey's glass, how could I ever have known how to properly clean my windshield while waiting for my car's gas tank to be full? Yeah, you don't even know! What about this one, had I not learned how to sweep empty capri suns into my dustpan, how could I ever become a substantial housewife?! Without this job I would be half the cavewoman I am today! While I am poking fun at my place of work, I really do enjoy the zoo and all the lessons(?) it has taught me. The complete list of what I have learned thus far is as follows and is subject to additions by the end of my employment.. so next week...

1. If you are wearing a zoo uniform of any kind, people expect you to know all the animals' names, weights, types of fur, what country they hail from, why they're not moving, etc. I really just pick up trash, people.

2. If a visitor asks you where a certain animal is, you can point in any general direction and get them to leave you alone.

3. Kids often like to alert you of an animal they believe to be dead or dying. Little girl, the bird was under the rock because you scared it not because it was injured. Also, the baby vulture was not eaten by it's parents as initially reported to me by the Lemon Ice stand boy.

4. Lost children don't like being lost.

5. Parents of lost children don't seem to mind as much.

6. Pregnant women like to show their fetuses animals that they cannot yet see.

7. Cleaning a zoo is about as much fun as it sounds.

8. The things behind "keep out/employee only" signs aren't as cool and secretive as I once thought.

9. Kids love to rub their greasy hands all over glass surfaces.

10. People often only miss the trash can by a slim margin yet don't follow through on the effort.

11. The elephants dislike people as much as me and sometimes toss tires at them for good measure.

12. People often ask extremely intelligent questions such as, while leaning on a bathroom sign, "where is the nearest restroom?" or whilst standing in the cafe, "where can I get some food around here?"

13. Children are infatuated with the rolling trash bins, and no I do not give rides. For free.

14. Code for vomit is 1055.

15. Baru, the 17ft crocodile is the biggest diva we have at the zoo besides myself. He refuses to eat the food he is given because he used to eat whole cows when he lived in Australia. Tough luck, bro, this ain't no Gold Coast.

16. When your boss calls and wakes you up when you oversleep, the response "I must've worked too hard yesterday." only works the first time.

17. There are only so many supply closets to hide in.

18. Calling yourself "garbage girl" or a "garbitch" doesn't make you any more popular with your coworkers.

19. Grown men sometimes have accidents and STILL refuse to ask for help. Sir, you left a trail of your fecal matter at the zoo, let's set your ego aside for a quick second while you go change your pants.

20. It's hot out in the summer.

If you wish to learn more about the zoo... you can go zoo yourself. Zoo many zoo jokes.
Please go work there yourself because I'm pretty much over it by this point. Or just watch my instagram videos: http://instagram.com/atice18

The Beginning of the End Means You're Closer to "Happily Ever After"

Endings can be difficult. Sometimes they mean moving on from something you love or the only thing you knew but sometimes they lead to the best thing to ever happen to you. Endings mean the route of familiar is over and you’re on the ramp to weird, and uncomfortable. Some welcome the fresh start. Some struggle to let go of their past. Both of these reactions are understandable. For example, how do you ever get over a divorce? You promise forever to this person and then suddenly they aren’t holding your hand every step of the way anymore. If that’s not horrifying I don’t know what is. Or on the flip side, you’ve just gotten out of a terrible relationship and you finally feel like you have a handle on your life again. This is a clean slate, you can go anywhere, be anyone, achieve anything and you couldn’t be more thankful for this opportunity. Inevitably the start of the change is the hardest part. I think that’s part of the reason people try to avoid change altogether.

For the people who are terrified of endings, like myself for example, I have good news that the optimistic side of my brain decided to shed light on recently. Yes you may not have wanted this ending, you may have not even seen it coming, but that doesn’t mean just because you weren’t the one to initiate this change that you don’t get to experience the benefits of this new beginning as well. It’s never too late to become what you might’ve been. I know I’ve written about this quote before but it rings true once again. Let’s go with this hypothetical story…  you’re 54, just signed divorce papers and dang it your work doesn’t like you either so you got fired. Many would say F*!@ life just screwed me. Pretty positive I would absolutely say the same… at first. However, stepping back, viewing the situation from an outsider’s perspective, what you would be able to see is no ties.

You can do anything you want. You are on your own which is undoubtedly going to be lonely at times, but you don’t have to answer to anyone, unless you don’t pay your bills, DO NOT GO THIS ROUTE I REPEAT DO NOT GO THIS ROUTE. But you can buy a ticket and travel anywhere (money permitting) talk to anyone, dance like an idiot, read books all the time, become a hermit, join a competitive gardening club, just looked that up, they do exist! You can be free. Reinvent yourself, don’t dwell on the past, it’s over, and never coming back. Even if it tries get back in your life it wouldn’t be the same so don’t do it. Don’t look back. Think of it as if something that was dragging you in the wrong direction has finally fell off.  

The whole world's in front of you. Palm Desert, CA.

I guess what I’m trying to get across is, no matter how difficult endings may be for all involved, they can honestly lead you to greener pastures. Full of fat cows you can trick into paying your bills. In all seriousness, there is so much to discover in this world and as hard as it is, sometimes you have to leave the familiar behind in order to reach your potential and become all you were meant to be.  “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great.” Appreciate the journey.

Lost in Translation

I guess it's ironic that I'm writing this post online. You'll find out why soon enough...

A pen and paper; the greatest love story ever told? There's something that is way more personal about a pen gliding along the blue lines as opposed to fingers falling heavily upon a keyboard. I'm not old fashioned, in fact some would say I have no fashion at all (topic for a different time), I love technology as much as the next person, however, when it comes to writing, all I want is a pen and paper. All I need is a pen and paper. Oftentimes I'll be typing up an essay for school and be having the most difficult time getting started.

Computers come with so many distractions built right in and I fall victim to these traps almost 100% of the time. I can get lost looking through old photo albums, listening to music, or randomly find myself scrolling through a social media site for the third time in five minutes reading updates about topics I could care less about. However, if you give me a notebook it's mine to infect with ink. Sure sometimes I will still get distracted and end up doodling the strangest pictures but even then it's my own creation. It is a design that is all mine. I think that's what I appreciate the most about this whole pen and paper love affair.

In fact, I am currently writing this post to put off my research paper about Fahrenheit 451 written by Ray Bradbury. Coincidentally I think the book has inspired much of this rant. The novel is all about a futuristic society where technology has alienated almost all of its citizens. If you've read it, you know that the book went to extremes because it had "firemen" intentionally set fires to homes that contained books. Bradbury had the right idea about the influence of technology deeply impacting everyone, however, he foresaw it differently than what is actually happening right before our eyes. Nonetheless I believe it's important to maintain intact with the non technological aspects of life as well.

This isn't me asking you to move to the middle of nowhere with no electricity or chuck all of your devices into the ocean, but to merely understand that we survived without all of this stuff. That's all it is. Stuff. I'll admit we need some of this stuff but what we really need are people. The anonymity that technology provides distances us from these personal relationships that are vital to our survival. More face-to-face conversations, less facetime. More  hands with pens, less fingers on keys, more sharing your humor, less sharing a link. When we lose ourselves so deeply in technology we miss out on real life opportunities to connect. It's kinda terrifying if you think about how often people text others who are sitting in the same room as them. Forget your phone at home once in a while, I promise it won't be the end of the world. Atleast not yet.

I mean my cousin even has the right idea and she's six here. 

Same Love

With all the recent news on Proposition 8 and what not I decided to put my opinion out there. That's what blogs are for... right? Well read on if you wish, however, I can't promise that you'll love what I have to say. Hopefully you won't hate it either.

The United States of America has what I like to call a "gay-ping hole in logic." Our country is supposedly all about freedom yet so many people are locked in their own closets shielding themselves from hate and unequal treatment. Macklemore had it right when he sang, "America the brave still fears what we don't know, and God loves all his children is somehow forgotten, but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago." I consider myself a Christian. I am not overly religious but I believe in God and I believe He sent His only son to die for me because He loved me that much. How can a guy with that much love have any room for hate? Especially for one of His own? God won't love someone because they have feelings for someone of the same sex. I don't understand that and more importantly I don't buy it.

Listen to "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Maybe that makes me a bad Christian and maybe some of you think I am not worthy of being considered one at all. How can you argue love AGAINST love when love IS love. Who are we to judge each other and tell one another "you can love him but DON'T YOU DARE LOVE HER." The same thing happens in heterosexual relationships... people always feel like they need to let you know their opinion: "don't date that guy, or him, or him, DEFINITELY not him, ew!"

The fantastic thing about love is that it picks you. You told yourself you'd never fall for him or her and then there you go tripping down the stairs again. Maybe not literally, but still. The fact that we do not allow gay marriage everywhere is simply ridiculous. Hey remember that time when we all read in our history books about slavery and how whites and blacks were segregated and interracial marriages were disgusting and the worst thing to ever happen? Then remember when we fast forwarded to now and look back feeling like idiots because there is nothing wrong with that union just like there is nothing wrong with gay marriage or relationships in general. 

When my kids read in their history books about how long this dumb argument took to reach the simplest solution I hope they realize how hilarious it is and how stupid we were being all along. If we keep making these same mistakes we will never learn. Grow up, America. Love is love no matter who it involves, embrace that or keep your hate filled mouth shut because it's people like you who are going to comment "wow what a gay post" on this blog. Is that supposed to be insulting? Really?

LOVE Y'ALL.