My favorite Parks and
Recreation character, Ron Swanson, once said, “Never half-ass two things,
whole-ass one thing.” I know, I know, listening to a fictional character
known for his wisecracks probably won’t get me very far but I find this quote
to be so stupidly simple that it’s one of the smartest things I’ve heard and is way too often overlooked.
Many people probably don’t
even mean to half ass a lot of things. Maybe you just haven’t found what your
passion is yet so you don’t want to fling yourself into something whole-heartedly
only to decide later it’s not for you. How embarrassing that would be, if,
heaven forbid, you failed at something you were giving your all to. Who
honestly cares! It’s the fear that leads us to not try or to claim we aren’t
giving it our all. We all know those people who when you beat them at something
claim, “Oh well I wasn’t even trying so…” NOPE. YOU SHOULD’VE TRIED. BECAUSE I
WON. And I didn’t just win because you “weren’t trying.” LIAR. So I still have
some unresolved feelings about this basketball game I played in 3rd
grade... I’m working through it. ONWARD…
Find something you like
doing and do it all the time. Unless it’s drugs. Or other illegal things that I
shouldn’t encourage. But really, how can you expect to get good at something if
you only do it from time to time. If you want to last, you have to whole ass it
your whole life. Refuse to be a one hit wonder. What’s the point of doing
anything halfway? Here’s half your wedding cake, enjoy! Here’s half a chair, it
might be a little unstable but I got bored making it. Here’s the top half of
your boat, good luck in the water, man! Why even show up if you aren’t going to
try. Waste of time. Don’t do things halfway because really, nobody likes
getting a flat tire in Kansas when they were on their way to California. You
would never stop there and be like okay well I guess Kansas is good enough
maybe I’ll just vacation here instead. That doesn’t happen, or if you are a
person who would be okay with that I truly believe you should seek some kind of
help because what. Kansas versus California. Ponder that, humans.
Finish your thought,
complete your masterpiece, set out to be a legend, leave behind a legacy. Your
whole ass exists, now just moon everybody and show them what you’ve got. Please
not literally or you will most likely be cited for public indecency and may
have to register as a sex offender. Carry on.
Disclaimer: I do not own this photo and am not YET affiliated with the show Parks and Recreation but in my very unprofessional professional opinion you should probably watch it.
Why is this the funniest thing I've ever read? I just read this at work and like nineteen people asked me if I was dying because I was cracking up. Okay not that many people asked but just because people don't care about my well-being doesn't mean this wasn't the most hilarious piece of literature to grace the interwebs since Homestar Runner.
ReplyDeleteCarsten you should have whole assed your laugh and 19 people would have asked if you were dying. I took the wisdom and hilarity of this masterpiece to art and so should you. Lexi Plexi glASS, well written.
ReplyDeleteAlso, put a button for us to follow you somewhere on here so I know when you actually post something. Figure it out if you want to be famous geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez
ReplyDelete