Zoo Learn or Zoo Not Zoo Learn

People always say your job teaches you things... worthwhile things that you'll need in the real world. Things like timeliness, honesty, how to deal with coworkers, good work ethic, etc. I don't think these people considered those who work at a zoo. We learn those things AND a whole bunch of other useless stuff as well. Let's concentrate on the useless stuff just for good measure because really, no one came to my blog for a lecture, but if you did, I'm glad you're here but I'm not a parent or a professor so you can just go to your room...?

USELESS STUFF IS MY PRIDE AND JOY. Useless stuff is the fun stuff. The stuff you don't need to know but is usually somehow the saving grace in times of weird struggles. For example, had I not learned how to use a trash compactor, how could I ever be expected to properly work a garbage disposal in my own sink. Pushing a button, flicking a switch, it's basically the same concept, INCREDIBLE. You all can pick your jaws up from the floor but prepare for them to be dropped again... Had I not learned how to squeegee the monkey's glass, how could I ever have known how to properly clean my windshield while waiting for my car's gas tank to be full? Yeah, you don't even know! What about this one, had I not learned how to sweep empty capri suns into my dustpan, how could I ever become a substantial housewife?! Without this job I would be half the cavewoman I am today! While I am poking fun at my place of work, I really do enjoy the zoo and all the lessons(?) it has taught me. The complete list of what I have learned thus far is as follows and is subject to additions by the end of my employment.. so next week...

1. If you are wearing a zoo uniform of any kind, people expect you to know all the animals' names, weights, types of fur, what country they hail from, why they're not moving, etc. I really just pick up trash, people.

2. If a visitor asks you where a certain animal is, you can point in any general direction and get them to leave you alone.

3. Kids often like to alert you of an animal they believe to be dead or dying. Little girl, the bird was under the rock because you scared it not because it was injured. Also, the baby vulture was not eaten by it's parents as initially reported to me by the Lemon Ice stand boy.

4. Lost children don't like being lost.

5. Parents of lost children don't seem to mind as much.

6. Pregnant women like to show their fetuses animals that they cannot yet see.

7. Cleaning a zoo is about as much fun as it sounds.

8. The things behind "keep out/employee only" signs aren't as cool and secretive as I once thought.

9. Kids love to rub their greasy hands all over glass surfaces.

10. People often only miss the trash can by a slim margin yet don't follow through on the effort.

11. The elephants dislike people as much as me and sometimes toss tires at them for good measure.

12. People often ask extremely intelligent questions such as, while leaning on a bathroom sign, "where is the nearest restroom?" or whilst standing in the cafe, "where can I get some food around here?"

13. Children are infatuated with the rolling trash bins, and no I do not give rides. For free.

14. Code for vomit is 1055.

15. Baru, the 17ft crocodile is the biggest diva we have at the zoo besides myself. He refuses to eat the food he is given because he used to eat whole cows when he lived in Australia. Tough luck, bro, this ain't no Gold Coast.

16. When your boss calls and wakes you up when you oversleep, the response "I must've worked too hard yesterday." only works the first time.

17. There are only so many supply closets to hide in.

18. Calling yourself "garbage girl" or a "garbitch" doesn't make you any more popular with your coworkers.

19. Grown men sometimes have accidents and STILL refuse to ask for help. Sir, you left a trail of your fecal matter at the zoo, let's set your ego aside for a quick second while you go change your pants.

20. It's hot out in the summer.

If you wish to learn more about the zoo... you can go zoo yourself. Zoo many zoo jokes.
Please go work there yourself because I'm pretty much over it by this point. Or just watch my instagram videos: http://instagram.com/atice18

The Beginning of the End Means You're Closer to "Happily Ever After"

Endings can be difficult. Sometimes they mean moving on from something you love or the only thing you knew but sometimes they lead to the best thing to ever happen to you. Endings mean the route of familiar is over and you’re on the ramp to weird, and uncomfortable. Some welcome the fresh start. Some struggle to let go of their past. Both of these reactions are understandable. For example, how do you ever get over a divorce? You promise forever to this person and then suddenly they aren’t holding your hand every step of the way anymore. If that’s not horrifying I don’t know what is. Or on the flip side, you’ve just gotten out of a terrible relationship and you finally feel like you have a handle on your life again. This is a clean slate, you can go anywhere, be anyone, achieve anything and you couldn’t be more thankful for this opportunity. Inevitably the start of the change is the hardest part. I think that’s part of the reason people try to avoid change altogether.

For the people who are terrified of endings, like myself for example, I have good news that the optimistic side of my brain decided to shed light on recently. Yes you may not have wanted this ending, you may have not even seen it coming, but that doesn’t mean just because you weren’t the one to initiate this change that you don’t get to experience the benefits of this new beginning as well. It’s never too late to become what you might’ve been. I know I’ve written about this quote before but it rings true once again. Let’s go with this hypothetical story…  you’re 54, just signed divorce papers and dang it your work doesn’t like you either so you got fired. Many would say F*!@ life just screwed me. Pretty positive I would absolutely say the same… at first. However, stepping back, viewing the situation from an outsider’s perspective, what you would be able to see is no ties.

You can do anything you want. You are on your own which is undoubtedly going to be lonely at times, but you don’t have to answer to anyone, unless you don’t pay your bills, DO NOT GO THIS ROUTE I REPEAT DO NOT GO THIS ROUTE. But you can buy a ticket and travel anywhere (money permitting) talk to anyone, dance like an idiot, read books all the time, become a hermit, join a competitive gardening club, just looked that up, they do exist! You can be free. Reinvent yourself, don’t dwell on the past, it’s over, and never coming back. Even if it tries get back in your life it wouldn’t be the same so don’t do it. Don’t look back. Think of it as if something that was dragging you in the wrong direction has finally fell off.  

The whole world's in front of you. Palm Desert, CA.

I guess what I’m trying to get across is, no matter how difficult endings may be for all involved, they can honestly lead you to greener pastures. Full of fat cows you can trick into paying your bills. In all seriousness, there is so much to discover in this world and as hard as it is, sometimes you have to leave the familiar behind in order to reach your potential and become all you were meant to be.  “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great.” Appreciate the journey.

Lost in Translation

I guess it's ironic that I'm writing this post online. You'll find out why soon enough...

A pen and paper; the greatest love story ever told? There's something that is way more personal about a pen gliding along the blue lines as opposed to fingers falling heavily upon a keyboard. I'm not old fashioned, in fact some would say I have no fashion at all (topic for a different time), I love technology as much as the next person, however, when it comes to writing, all I want is a pen and paper. All I need is a pen and paper. Oftentimes I'll be typing up an essay for school and be having the most difficult time getting started.

Computers come with so many distractions built right in and I fall victim to these traps almost 100% of the time. I can get lost looking through old photo albums, listening to music, or randomly find myself scrolling through a social media site for the third time in five minutes reading updates about topics I could care less about. However, if you give me a notebook it's mine to infect with ink. Sure sometimes I will still get distracted and end up doodling the strangest pictures but even then it's my own creation. It is a design that is all mine. I think that's what I appreciate the most about this whole pen and paper love affair.

In fact, I am currently writing this post to put off my research paper about Fahrenheit 451 written by Ray Bradbury. Coincidentally I think the book has inspired much of this rant. The novel is all about a futuristic society where technology has alienated almost all of its citizens. If you've read it, you know that the book went to extremes because it had "firemen" intentionally set fires to homes that contained books. Bradbury had the right idea about the influence of technology deeply impacting everyone, however, he foresaw it differently than what is actually happening right before our eyes. Nonetheless I believe it's important to maintain intact with the non technological aspects of life as well.

This isn't me asking you to move to the middle of nowhere with no electricity or chuck all of your devices into the ocean, but to merely understand that we survived without all of this stuff. That's all it is. Stuff. I'll admit we need some of this stuff but what we really need are people. The anonymity that technology provides distances us from these personal relationships that are vital to our survival. More face-to-face conversations, less facetime. More  hands with pens, less fingers on keys, more sharing your humor, less sharing a link. When we lose ourselves so deeply in technology we miss out on real life opportunities to connect. It's kinda terrifying if you think about how often people text others who are sitting in the same room as them. Forget your phone at home once in a while, I promise it won't be the end of the world. Atleast not yet.

I mean my cousin even has the right idea and she's six here. 

Same Love

With all the recent news on Proposition 8 and what not I decided to put my opinion out there. That's what blogs are for... right? Well read on if you wish, however, I can't promise that you'll love what I have to say. Hopefully you won't hate it either.

The United States of America has what I like to call a "gay-ping hole in logic." Our country is supposedly all about freedom yet so many people are locked in their own closets shielding themselves from hate and unequal treatment. Macklemore had it right when he sang, "America the brave still fears what we don't know, and God loves all his children is somehow forgotten, but we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago." I consider myself a Christian. I am not overly religious but I believe in God and I believe He sent His only son to die for me because He loved me that much. How can a guy with that much love have any room for hate? Especially for one of His own? God won't love someone because they have feelings for someone of the same sex. I don't understand that and more importantly I don't buy it.

Listen to "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Maybe that makes me a bad Christian and maybe some of you think I am not worthy of being considered one at all. How can you argue love AGAINST love when love IS love. Who are we to judge each other and tell one another "you can love him but DON'T YOU DARE LOVE HER." The same thing happens in heterosexual relationships... people always feel like they need to let you know their opinion: "don't date that guy, or him, or him, DEFINITELY not him, ew!"

The fantastic thing about love is that it picks you. You told yourself you'd never fall for him or her and then there you go tripping down the stairs again. Maybe not literally, but still. The fact that we do not allow gay marriage everywhere is simply ridiculous. Hey remember that time when we all read in our history books about slavery and how whites and blacks were segregated and interracial marriages were disgusting and the worst thing to ever happen? Then remember when we fast forwarded to now and look back feeling like idiots because there is nothing wrong with that union just like there is nothing wrong with gay marriage or relationships in general. 

When my kids read in their history books about how long this dumb argument took to reach the simplest solution I hope they realize how hilarious it is and how stupid we were being all along. If we keep making these same mistakes we will never learn. Grow up, America. Love is love no matter who it involves, embrace that or keep your hate filled mouth shut because it's people like you who are going to comment "wow what a gay post" on this blog. Is that supposed to be insulting? Really?

LOVE Y'ALL.

I'll Have A Whole Slice of A Dream, Please!

Remember those great ideas you get so excited about that you start visualizing everything going perfectly in your head? I call those halfway dreams. You may be wondering, "why is it only half?" Well, these plans can lead to the most exhilarating feelings in this world, that is, until you slam headfirst into a wall called doubt. The doubt wall is made up of all kinds of doubts and you'll hit it just around the same time you take the "Second-Guessing Exit." 

This wall is one hurdle that we take as a sign to throw in the towel and stop before we really achieve anything at all. What people fail to realize is that in a race with hurdles, there is always a first hurdle, with a few more after that to be sure, but there is always, always, a last hurdle as well. We see the first one and send our dreams running for the hills. 

The society we exist in projects images into our heads of what we should want and how we should go about attaining our dreams and it even tries to tell us how to dream. These images sometimes predispose us into believing we cannot do something which, I think, is a large reason for these halfway dreams. Maybe that's not it; maybe you have a dream so extreme no one else has even attempted to achieve it before. The wall of doubt you may encounter on this route goes by "fear." 

Humans fear the unknown. We fear to fail and we fear what others will think of us if we do not or can not reach our dreams, or even sometimes, when we do. 

Oftentimes these halfway dreams are not even just halfbaked ideas. We plan them out and are all set to go but merely stop in the middle after hitting an impasse. Sometimes we embark on these journeys and at one point or another pull a U-turn and head back into the waiting, open arms of familiar.

The unknown is scary, yes, but what's even more terrifying is the fact that we are living in a world full of people not chasing what they truly want. Almost all of us are slackers in that aspect. You may be the hardest working employee your company has ever seen, but if you're not living your dream, well, you're not living your dream. Okay so that sounded a little anticlimactic but it really is as simple as that. 

The biggest disservice you can do to this world and yourself is to settle. Settling is quitting or stopping because you don't want to try harder. Go NIKE on your life and "Just Do It!" If you don't, you run the risk of watching someone else live your dream and it's difficult to imagine anything worse. Alright everyone, eyemasks on, earplugs in, and happy dreaming! (NOTE: don't forget to wake up and get after it!)

A Wonderful Life

There's something that is so fascinating about being human. I think it has partially to do with the fact that we are all so flawed. We are constantly messing up most of the things we are trying to accomplish and it can be extremely frustrating thinking you're never doing anything right. But imagine if we were all perfect. There would be nothing to look at. Nothing to see, because we would all be exactly the same. I cannot even begin to imagine how boring that would be.

A quote by Augusten Burroughs says it best, "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." Even when we try to do everything right, things will inevitably go wrong. That's not me being pessimistic, it's realistic. The world is a tough place and bad things happen to good people and all that jazz. We make mistakes every second we breathe. I think a lot of times we pick out things that other people do wrong and say, "Oh my gosh, I cannot believe they did that!" I, myself, have fallen victim to this time and time again. But somewhere along the line, you realize that neither of you are perfect and it's important that you "don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you."

This post isn't meant to turn you into a hippie and encourage you to run around screaming, "PEACE ON EARTH!" every second of your life. But before you make rude comments about anyone else or judge others, realize that you have probably been in their place before. They might have the greatest intentions on this planet and just haven't figured out how to maneuver through their flaws yet. No one will ever find the perfect roadmap to navigate out of their less-than-ideal qualities. We all need to embrace our flaws and respect that others are hopefully doing the same.

When in doubt, take it from Opa and just "Love God. Love People."

Alfred Velius March 28th, 1918-February 3rd, 2009

http://ashkalimba.blogspot.com/2010/02/can-you-imagine.html

This is a link to my sister's blog post about Opa from three years ago. Helps you to understand what a weird guy he was and therefore what weird people we are! HA!

Adventures of an Insomniac Part One

When you suck at sleeping, you write. When you suck at writing, you write anyways because you figure an internet challenged noob will stumble upon your blog eventually and fall madly in love with it and consequently, with you and then all will be well with the world. Here's to hoping. FINGERS CROSSED. Just kidding about the whole finding a boyfriend thing but for real, when you can't sleep and your mind's just thinking all this random nonsense, I thought it could potentially be interesting to scribble some of it down. (Upon re-reading this I discovered it's not, but by all means, carry on).

SIDENOTE: The "t" key is not working up to i_'s normal standards righ_ now and it's really bugging me because I have _o push it ex_remely hard and I am not mentally or physically prepared enough for this battle. I will try extra hard just for you potential future husband, boyfriend, friend, blog stalker, sad soul who accidentally ended up here.

First random late-night thought first... the ability to talk to ourselves is so strange. So many of you (or not because no one reads this) just rolled your eyes and said, "you're actually crazy." Um okay sassy, shush for a second and hear me out...  I am not talking about the kind of talking to yourself that occurs out loud. I am talking about the kind that happens inside your own mind. In your head, how you plan out what you will say, write, do. I am writing this in my head before I put it on here. I'm speaking it but only I can hear it. There's an actual voice inside my head and I am semi-crazy but haven't been committed yet so I'm hoping others have this voice too. Why is talking in your head called thinking? If my brain just asked itself that, why doesn't it know the answer? Have I taken one too many hits to the head? Yes. Well it answered that one almost instantaneously. Great. Part of my own brain waged war upon the part of my brain that thought it would be a good idea to write this post. I don't know which side to cheer for.

For me and maybe a few others of us, it's easy to forget that your mind can be your own worst enemy. The brain is only as smart as you let it become. Sometimes it will fight you. Sometimes it'll win and make you think lowly of yourself for absolutely no good reason. Retaliating isn't the answer to many things in this life but in this case, it's necessary. You can't let your mind determine everything you do. Your heart deserves some say. But that, my friends, is for another late night rambling that will hopefully never happen again.

I am now accepting donations towards NyQuil, getting me a CT scan, or a tempurpedic bed. Goodnight.